dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
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