We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
