My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
