The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Hippo gnu deer
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Randomize
