He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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