you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
