Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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