have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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