butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
