i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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