the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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