She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
