pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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