is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Everyone says I win the strip club
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
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