Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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