is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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