Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Randomize
