Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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