you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
