Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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