I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
