I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
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