"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
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