Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
