Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Randomize
