he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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