Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
