fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
