just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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