She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
