if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
