Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Randomize
