Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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