Dude my mom stole all your condoms
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Randomize
