I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
