So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
