I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
