Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
