2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
