My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
My pussy is not your playground.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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