You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
