i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
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