If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
