I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
