hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
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