My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
You smell like a Billy Joel song
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
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