Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
