Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
