the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
this boner is exhausting
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
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