Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
