All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
