Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
