I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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