we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Church boner. Awkwardddd
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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