Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
