Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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