So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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