I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
