two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Randomize
