I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
