haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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