Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
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