wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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