Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
