Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
