So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize