Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
