Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
i think i just lost a toe
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
