yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
