I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
