My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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