My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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