when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
