this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
