low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
