He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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