yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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