My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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