I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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