Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
