He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
