it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
