someone get that fucking seahorse.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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