I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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