I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
