You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
