Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
