Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
