I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
