I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize