Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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