Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Randomize
