Do vagina's smell?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
