She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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