in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
