The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
