And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
